She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize