Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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