Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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