i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize