they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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