but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
