Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize