fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
