I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
they need to just BURY HIM!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
