So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
