My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
