Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
