And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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