I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
