we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
