Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
