From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Your penis caused this!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
