so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
