Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
