I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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