you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
