If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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