So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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