If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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