i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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