she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
