Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
