people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
