Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
