this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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