So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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