you guys were way drunker than both of me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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