he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
is that a dick in a sweater?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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