After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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