Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
