So drunk, too bad you don't want this
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
