I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
