just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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