You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
