i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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