I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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