just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
