I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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