Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
