worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
