Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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