Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
