before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
