i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
