Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
