you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
