do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
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I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize