It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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