I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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