you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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