Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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