I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
