He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
