tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
