Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
