He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
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I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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