I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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